How Can We Fix This?
by Pickles the Great
Summary: ShikaTema Oneshot They were flawed, they were broken, and they were crying. But they were in love, dammit. T for nondescript sexual references.


_**OTP.**_

**x**

Nara Shikamaru was always content with who he was. He did not loathe or dislike or even have a problem with any aspect of himself. Sure, some parts were troublesome, some parts may have been a bit defective but they were all him and he was at peace with that. He would not describe himself as confident, but he would be called content. He was happy being himself.

_"What happened can't happen again."_

He was, and always had been at peace with who he was. It was Shikamaru. The "Take-It-As-It-Comes' guy. Everyone agreed so.

_"I'm sorry. But we knew it would have to end sometime."_

He had been called a genius. He accepted it. He didn't fight what he was. Sure, the constant thoughts racing through his head with no way to express them to any other person was a drag, but it wasn't as if he could change any of it.

_"I'm sorry."_

Correction: He could never express them to anyone but her.

_"I'm sorry."_

And there she was, standing just a few feet in front of him, completely out of his grasp and yet close enough to almost touch, and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. One day, one hour was all it took for the comfort he had come to posses to be yanked out underneath him.

_"I'm sorry."_

And then she turned and walked away, and all he could do was watch.

_"Shikamaru."_

For the first time in his life, Nara Shikamaru wanted to be anyone else in the world but himself.

**x**

He could not feel the left side of his head. The blood loss was too extensive, his right arm was useless, and that damn wiry skeleton of a woman had done something to his joints to paralyze him. He couldn't move.

He had gone out on a walk early in the morning. He usually did this, got up early, before everyone woke up and the village became crowded or populated at all and wandered the streets aimlessly, enjoying the dim lighting and the wet branches towering over the town. Shikamaru was a man attached to his routines. Temari had always scolded him for it. She said it was easy for an enemy to recognize these patterns and use them against him. Shikamaru told her that not everything in life was a battle. (_**Damn**__ he should have listened._) She scowled but let it drop.

She would always be asleep when he came back. He was a phantom, getting out of bed without waking her was almost impossible. But he would, go out wandering for about half an hour, twenty minutes if he felt particularly sleepy and crawl back into bed beside her. She told him that every morning right before he woke up he would rub her waist. He never was really asleep, but that specific part of her body was just so smooth and warm it was like his finger was magnetically attracted to it, curling lazily and stroking the pathway between her hip and the swell of her rear. Sometimes he would bury his face in the sandy blonde mess trailing behind her head and inhale the faint scent of lavender in her hair. He was trapped in this routine, but he didn't particularly mind.

She had warned him that someday someone would use his patterns against him. He never believed her.

He _really_ should have believed her.

Because now he was laying here, half dead with almost a 7.6 chance of survival (he had nothing better to do than calculate it enough times) and if the skeleton lady was to be believed then there was some faceless henchman at his apartment lying in bed with Temari pretending to be him. The morning was not her best time. It would be easy for them to catch her off her guard and then just--

_No. Don't think about that. __**Do not**__ think about that._

But because he was Nara Shikamaru and he had to be thinking every second of every hour of every day then his half-conscious mind was flooded with images of this man wearing his face killing Temari in the most brutal ways possible, her teal green eyes wide with shock because she thought it was _him _who was doing those things...

Goddammit.

The woman seemed awfully pleased with herself. Apparently, she held some long-forgotten grudge (obviously forgotten by everyone but _her_) because of some mission who-knows-when ago where Shikamaru's squad took out her son. Well whoop-de-flippin doo, he thought mercilessly, if every relative of every rouge shinobi they killed went out on a revenge spree then there wouldn't be any Konohagakure to destroy. But apparently her grudge lay only with Shikamaru, and it hadn't taken her long to study his routines, which meant stumbling upon his relationship with Temari had been a breeze. It also did not help that the information given to Tsunade to take down said rogue shinobi had been provided by, you guessed it, Temari.

She had bought off some random ninja from the sound to take care of her. The man had doubled over in mirth when he saw her picture, going off on how much "fun" he was going to have with her. The mere sound of the insinuation made Shikamaru shudder, and the gleeful cackle the witch expelled almost made him pass out from sickness. His thoughts were not on him, but on the blonde kunoichi some ninety kilometers away, sleeping soundly with some stranger rubbing her hip like there was nothing wrong with the world. He almost chuckled, wondering what people would say at his funeral. Maybe when they found out his intimate affair with Temari they'd call him something like "playboy" or "promiscuous", like he was some sort of local slut. He also thought mildly about what her brothers would do when they heard. Spit on his grave probably. Desecrate his corpse. Or perhaps raise him from the dead just to kill him again. All of those seemed plausible options, and all of them seemed preferable to the situation he was in right now. The hag was still rambling on about what a goddamn genius she was, outsmarting the strategist of Konoha and blah, blah, blah... With the looks of this woman she could keel over at any moment during her long-winded speech. Maybe if he was lucky she would, and his chances of survival might increase to something resembling 18 or so. Then again, in the time it would take someone to notice he was missing, let alone grow bored enough to venture out this far too look for him, he would already be dead from blood loss, and even if the bitch died it probably wouldn't stop that fat idiot from slaughtering and probably violating Temari... So really there couldn't possibly be an upside to this situation.

Goddammit.

His string of increasingly morbid thoughts and the creature's violent laughter were interrupted by various sporadic thunking noises, each getting a little closer to their cozy little clearing. The woman looked up, clearly puzzled, until her unnaturally huge (was there any other kind?) lackey crashed down before them, carrying an unconscious, half naked blonde form over his shoulder. Shikamaru's already dizzied mind went into overdrive, looking for any sign or hope (as slim or even invisible as it may be) to tell him that there was even a chance Temari might be alive. The man looked larger and sweatier than the last time Shikamaru saw him, perhaps his nervousness was making his body swell or maybe he had just eaten a baby or a dozen. But his large meaty claws were barely brushing Temari's bare waist (her smooth, fascinating, oh so _perfect_ waist) as if he was afraid it might break under his touch. The hag looked displeased. She frowned her withered flat lips and narrowed her eyes at the man. "What in the hell do you think you're doing? Bringing her here could have her traced back to me! What part of your fat stupid brain doesn't absorb that?" The man swallowed a lump in his throat, his whole body quivering with shame or some other physically inhibiting emotion. His voice trembled when he spoke. "I-I thought you s-said you wan-t-ted to kill her in front of the boy? D-Didn't you?" The stutter seemed oddly misplaced in his deep, throaty speech. Shikamaru would have frowned if he had the energy. But he was barely listening to their conversation. He was still concentrating every fiber of his being, every point of his genius IQ that had never failed him before on that terrible, unmoving, tauntingly _motionless_ body tossed carelessly onto his shoulders like a slab of meat. It was almost sacrilegious.

"What are you talking about you stupid pig, I never-!" The woman paused though, as if just struck with a hammer on the side of the head. Her thin, wicked mouth then parted into a huge, face-splitting smile. Only her smile was not as pleasant or heartwarming as Temari's, no, her smile made an uneasy lump form in Shikamaru's stomach, causing his eyes to blur and his hearing to spiral out of control. He felt sick to bursting. And yet his head was still churning in at top speed, processing information in a slightly slower, but no less detailed manner. He knew what was coming next could not possibly be good.

"Brilliant!" the skeleton hag croaked loudly. Her laugh pierced the morning air and caused a hundred previously happy birds to vacate their nests and take their young with them. "That's absolutely brilliant! Let's see what the _genius_ of Konoha can do, when his lover is brutally torn apart in front of him! I wonder what good all that intelligence will do him, now that he's all but dead! I've heard he gets quite _emotional_, maybe he'll cry!" She hooted with glee. Shikamaru's entire body fell apart at her words. If he had the energy left to cry, he probably would have.

"Probably would. But then, I'm guessing there's no one who would shed a tear over you, so _that_ tells us a little something, doesn't it?" At that moment, there was only one thing, one humanly possible thing that would get him to open his eyes. And it was that voice, demanding and sultry, and just so smooth and melodic it made the entire world around it melt apart at her words. Temari's casual insult reverberated through his very being, pulling his head up sharply like a puppet on strings.

She had vacated the shoulder of the fat ninja (who was looking a bit more relieved, but no less terrified) and was walking casually over to the skeletal old hag witch, whose pale milk eyes were almost bulging out of their sockets in horror, staring at the blonde (still no more clothed than before) kunoichi who was spinning a kunai around her finger and looking as carefree as if she was discussing the weather.

"Oh yeah, that whole 'me-being-alive' thing. See, Tiny over there weighed his options, and being out a couple thousand ryous seemed awfully preferable to being, well, _dead_, so he decided to just do the smart thing and take me to your nice little hidey hole under the pretense of torturing my- what was that word you used? Lover? Ah, yes, torturing my lover. I understand you have a little grudge against gorgeous over there," she jabbed her head in Shikamaru's direction, sparing him a reproaching glare as if to say _"Well I fucking told you so, didn't I?", _"And that's the reason you sent Gigantor to rough me up. Now, I don't know how you take out revenge where _you're_ from, but in Suna we do this thing where we only kill the person we actually hate. I don't know who the fuck you are and quite honestly I don't care. But you woke me up, made me dirty up my favorite bra," she tugged a bit at her pink strap, pulling one eyebrow down lower than the other, "and worst of all, you _messed up my pigtails_." Temari held up a few torn pieces of elastic, which Shikamaru presumed to be the remains of her purple hair ties. He almost felt a twinge of pity for the old hag. She was going to die horribly and painfully for touching Temari's hair. It was an unspoken rule that always resulted in death. He turned his head as much as he could towards the fat man, and upon seeing no giant fan concealed behind his large, fleshy back he began to get a little nervous. How was Temari planning to overturn this old bat without her weapon? Even in an old woman, with the adrenaline pumping she'd at least put up something resembling a struggle. And Temari was no close-range fighter, her taijutsu was formal at best and one kunai did not an arsenal make. The woman seemed to register this too, and stood a bit straighter. She let out some semblance of a laugh. "Stupid girl! Do you take me for a fool?"

"Pretty much, yea-"

"I know your choices in combat! You cannot bluff your way into a surrender from me! Without your fan you are practically as useless as this thing here!" She pointed a wrinkled old finger in Shikamaru's direction. He felt a bit insulted. Obviously though, so did Temari.

"Oh come on! You're comparing me to _that_? Jesus, with all this assuming you could be a _man_." She finished her sentence with a heavy coating of disdain. She held her hand out expectantly towards the large shinobi, when nothing happened she snapped her fingers impatiently. "Oi, tubby! We rehearsed this! My fans, dammit!" She said harshly. The fat man scrambled nervously for something in his back pocket, pulling out he held two ordinary sized fans. He tossed them over to her, both of them landing in her palm as she sighed warily. "I always hate using these, sure they're just as effective but they're also so much _tinier_." Temari had always pronounced greatly her love of over sized weaponry. If something wasn't at least six times larger than was completely necessary then it wasn't worth her time. However, she whipped the fans open effortlessly and stepped back into a fighting stance. They looked exactly like her ordinary fan. The woman looked almost outraged. "This- This is preposterous! I had this all planned out-!"

"Well, unfortunately for you, princess, plans have a habit of blowing up in your face." She said breezily. Then, without warning, she made a swift, swiping motion with her right arm, the fan in her hand creating a wave of wind, the sharp blade-like current sending a searing cut through the old woman's arm. She cried out in pain and clutched the bleeding wound, hissing in agony at her deep gash. She glared at the much younger woman with an almost palpable sense of loathing coursing through her. "Y-You, You..." She turned sharply towards the fat ninja, who stepped backwards at the sheer force of her rage. "You! You worthless pig, get over here and _do something!_" She screeched, her shrill voice echoing through the woods. The man's meaty neck swept back and forth between the two formidable women, obviously trying to decide which one was more frightening and or most likely to kill him. Temari, however, spared him the thought.

"Hey." She said, in a mockingly maternal tone, "Calling names is not a way to get what we want." She swiped both her fans again in matching strokes, the air around them forming around the folded cloth. The force was thrust forward, knocking the old woman off her feet and slamming her into the tree some forty meters behind her with such strength it cracked the tree clean in two, the large trunk swaying precariously until it finally decided to land on the woman's already unreliable frame. She was crushed instantly. Her body splayed forward, her silver hair waving free of its harsh knot at the back of her head, and looking quite dead indeed. Shikamaru's chest heaved violently, the shock of the last three minutes spinning madly in his head. His vision was blurry, but he could vaguely make out Temari shooting the fat shinobi one of her bone chilling looks, the man fleeing with speed belonging to a much smaller and thinner man, and her form moving towards him with a nervous, urgent air. She bent down in front of him carefully, her callused thumb running over the open wound on his forehead. She cupped his cheek in her hand, keeping them there for a few moments before pulling him harshly into a desperate embrace. "You _idiot._" She whispered, tears evident in her voice. "You fucking _idiot._ Why don't you ever listen to me-?" Her voice broke off and she buried her face into the crook of his neck. However sullen Shikamaru had felt in the last forty five minutes, he had never felt guilty. Now however, he didn't think he could look her in the eye ever again.

And he didn't have to. He blacked out.

**x**

Two weeks later he was released from the hospital. His outer injuries were superficial, but the damage the woman had done to the blood flow in his legs would make them a bit unstable for the rest of his life. However, they still worked well enough to allow him to leave the care of the insane doctors, trying to convince him he was psychologically unstable and needed to be heavily medicated. Ino kept pretending to be his legal guardian in order to procure him the drugs and give them to him forcefully. It was two weeks of troublesome recovery, and the only upside of it was that Temari had postponed her stay in the village in order to make sure nothing unexpected happened to him. She said she wanted to see him in perfect health before he left. He was only slightly suspicious of why. But when he walked her to the gates and she turned around to face him the look in her eyes confirmed what he had dreaded his entire stay in the hospital. She said the words he had feared in the back of his mind for seven months and twenty nine days.

"It's over, Shikamaru."

Although he had been expecting it, his heart still stopped for a few moments at her words. He almost wondered if he would die, right there. (But of course that was stupid. People didn't die from that) but she explained it to him slowly, that if their relationship was putting their lives in danger and it could be used against them at any time then it was too unsafe for them to continue. Besides, she said with an empty smile on her face, it's not as if it was really anything anyway, right? Just harmless fun.

Those were the words that broke his heart.

**x**

"Shikamaru," Ino's voice came out calm and slow, "It's been four days. You have to talk to somebody sometime. You need to put the bottle down-"

"Don't tell me what I _need_ to do, Ino." He snapped, although even his angry tone came out slow and lethargic. For almost a week he had avoided everyone he knew, either holing himself up in his apartment with the door and windows locked (it wasn't as if he was paranoid about seeing them. It was just troublesome to talk to them when he knew what they were going to say), or walking into his secluded section of forest, a clearing with prime cloud-gazing material. He somehow managed to do this without being spotted, despite about every friend or family member he had hunting him down mercilessly in order to let him "talk things out". It was only after their relationship ended that he found out almost everybody had known. Or, at the very least, guessed. It wasn't hard now, with the facts all aligned in such an obvious order even Naruto saw the pattern. The moment she had left Shikamaru cut himself off from the entire world, and, from what he could hear of the gossip radiating around town, he was depressed, angry, drunk and had attempted suicide at least twice. Well, he was a bit drunk. Maybe a little angry. But depressed? Why should he be?

Just harmless fun.

He had repeated that in his head for the last four days. Just harmless fun. Fun. _Harmless_ fun. Nothing serious or solid about it.

No matter how many times he repeated it, it never became any more believable.

"In case you haven't heard, I lost a good amount of feeling in my legs. Walking fucking hurts, and it's too troublesome to just wander around town and do nothing. _This_," He raised the bottle in his hand, shaking it a bit for emphasis, "makes it feel a bit better. You don't have to keep knocking around and poking your nose in every two hours, I'm _fine_." He ended it with a bit of his trademark annoyance at the world and slouched back into his couch cushion. This was who he was. Shikamaru, the laid back, take-it-as-it-comes, do nothing, say nothing, don't-get-up-off-your-ass guy.

God _fucking_ dammit.

Ino rolled her eyes. "Don't try pulling that crap with me, Shikamaru. I've known you your whole freaking life, and I can see through your flimsy lies." Flimsy? He thought it was a fairly good lie. "You pretend to be all lazy and not to care about anything,"

"I _don't_ care." He interjected stubbornly.

"But you're not." She finished, ignoring him. "You're a sensitive guy, Shika, and when a relationship ends,"

"It wasn't a _relationship_, Ino!" He said loudly, drowning her out. She took a step back, shocked at the tone of his voice. He tried to compose himself. "It wasn't a 'relationship'." He repeated, this time more calmly. "Ask her yourself. It was just sex. Now we're not having it anymore. End of story. Simple enough for you?" He asked sarcastically. He expected her to stiffen up, shout at him angrily to not treat her like a 'dumb blonde' and go off one of her random Ino tangents but nothing happened. Instead she just looked at him sympathetically, like she was looking at a small puppy that broke a paw. He scowled at her (unneeded) pity. It wasn't like he was depressed. He just didn't care enough to get up and go anywhere. It was pointless anyway. Troublesome. He meant to say troublesome.

"Then how come you're looking like your heart is broken?" She asked quietly, looking at him with a look of unrivaled sympathy. Her head was tilted slightly towards the floor but her eyes were still trained on him hesitantly, like he was a bomb waiting to explode. Shikamaru evaluated her silently.

He had never bothered to notice before, but Ino was undeniably pretty. Her platinum blonde hair was long and slightly wavy, her eyes were a normal, plain shade of green, her lips were a rich, smooth pink and her skin was white and flawless. She was what every man would consider gorgeous.

But somehow, Shikamaru could not find her beautiful.

And it wasn't because he had known her all his life, it wasn't because they were on the same squad or because they were close friends, he simply found it impossible to be attracted to her. And, since it had already been established that she was gorgeous, for Shikamaru to be unable to even register that must be proof that there was something wrong with him. There was just something about the way her eyes never changed colors with the light surrounding them, or her hair was too shiny or her skin was too pale. It wasn't her. It was _him_. He could never find her beautiful like-

_No._

_Stop that._

_Do not finish that thought._

He didn't love her. He had said it himself, it was just sex. And she had said it too, Harmless Fun. They had both agreed that the whole time, the whole seven months and twenty nine days (it would have been eight months and two days, now.) was just pointless, fantastic sex that didn't matter. It didn't matter in the least.

And yet he could still feel it, he could still feel her warm breath and the taste of her skin under his teeth and the way her lips spilled out his name...

But that didn't mean he loved her.

He realized he hadn't answered Ino yet. She probably assumed her question had rendered him speechless, unable to continue the labor of speech through his broken heart and troubled soul, and kept quiet out of respect for the feelings he didn't have. He wasn't depressed, Goddammit.

It wasn't like he loved her.

Ino had given up on getting him to reply, and padded out the door quietly, almost without a sound. Shikamaru winced at the sound of the door gently closing, the soft, muted sound made him feel slightly resentful, so he took another drink.

**x**

When Ino was mad, most of the village had learned that the best thing to do was just keep a safe distance, for she was known to throw things, hit people, and break miscellaneous objects. However, while her anger was usually palpable (and almost visible), this feeling was different. She felt like a dozen uncomfortable things were stirring in her stomach, each one making her hate the sand kunoichi more and more. How _dare_ she do something this heartless, this _cruel_ and _unspeakable_ to Shikamaru? She had seen it ever since her first time fighting alongside the both of them together, their heads bowed in and speaking swiftly and unceasingly. She had never heard someone listen to Shikamaru's strategies without having to ask him to repeat it at least a dozen times. Someone who reacted and analyzed on the same level as him; it was unheard of. Ino was not blind. She knew what came of such a similarity.

She knew her friend. She probably knew Shikamaru better than anyone, (Beside Chouji, perhaps. And maybe Temari.) and she _definitely_ knew love. And the way Shikamaru smiled when he was around her, or the look he got in his eyes could be nothing else. It was blatantly, _painfully _obvious how in love he was with her. And even if he would never admit it for the rest of his life, Shikamaru was really an emotional guy.

No matter how much he denied it, she could see it affecting him. He began to be more active in his Chuunin responsibilities, he would put a bit more effort into his reports each time and he had even expressed a slim, mild interest in becoming a Jounin. The Shikamaru she knew before would never have even suggested such a thing. Hell, he'd probably have taken offense to it. Him, do work? Blasphemy.

But she gave him a reason to do better. She pushed him forward and gave him something to work towards. And she even gave him a built-in excuse: "It's troublesome, but having her rub the difference in ranks in my face is just so annoying. I'll do it, but only to get her to shut her mouth." For someone who strived to do little in life, he put forth a remarkable effort in denying his feelings.

However beyond Ino it may have been for Shikamaru to fall in love with such a handful of a woman, she knew that the simple fact he was trying so hard was proof he cared. Also, it just so happened they were sleeping together.

It had been hard for Ino, handing Shikamaru over to this almost total stranger was like giving a precious stuffed animal away, but she sacrificed it for the sake of Shikamaru's happiness. And that- that miserable _creature_ had the nerve to reject it? It was outrageous! Preposterous!

And the creature had to _pay_.

**x**

"Ino?" Tsunade said with surprise. Ino had strolled into her office unannounced, knocking on the door and coming in without waiting for an answer. It wasn't as if Tsunade was doing any actual work, but some manners would be nice.

"Tsunade-sama, I request permission to go on that mission to Sunagakure." Ino said forcefully. She stood straight and looked forward, Looking just above Tsunade's head instead of her eyes. She raised a delicate eyebrow. "You do realize, of course, that being it is a mission involving the transport of important documents to the Kazekage, the Suna diplomat would be the one to carry out that assignment. It's Shikamaru's job. On what grounds do you wish to undermine him?" She questioned interestedly. Ino had prepared a convincing story on her way to the Hokage's office, and she was ready for whatever questions the woman had for her. "I just came from Shikamaru's house, ma'am, and he's ill."

"Ill?" Tsunade repeated. "How so?"

"His injuries are still bothering him. He says it's difficult to walk around because of the pain in his legs, and that is why he hasn't been coming out of his house lately." It had taken her quite a while to recall Shikamaru's excuse, and upon realizing it was a damn good one she had formulated a plan to get herself to Suna without attracting attention.

"I see." Tsunade mused. "That would explain it, now wouldn't it?"

"Yes ma'am." Ino agreed. "It's my opinion that sending Shikamaru on this mission would be a mistake on the Hokage's part, if you would excuse me."

"Consider yourself excused."

"And it would only decrease his health even more. I know how important these papers are ma'am, and I think I would be capable of getting them to Suna unharmed."

Tsunade nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, you're perfectly capable as a messenger. Alright, you've got the mission. Consider yourself temporarily in charge of all Shikamaru's duties. Starting," She pointed at a pile of documents at the far corner of her office, "with a bit of paperwork."

Ino's shoulders slumped and she sighed. The things she put up with for her friends...

**x**

Shikamaru tossed the milk carton in the trash carelessly. It had been three days since Ino's last intervention. He wondered mildly what happened to her. Not that he didn't appreciate the silence of course, but it was still a curious matter considering how she loved to poke her nose into everyone's business. It almost piqued his interest enough to go and look for her.

Almost.

It wasn't like he didn't care. Ino was his friend. He cared about what happened to her. But it was probably nothing. She probably just got tired of trying to pry him out of bed, gave up and turned her attention to another, more fruitful task. That was probably it.

Then again, there was a Fifty-Three Percent chance that it wasn't.

Fifty-Three Percent was enough to get him to go looking for her.

**x**

Chouji popped another pretzel in his mouth. His favorite brand of chips had sold out, and instead of settling on another brand or flavor, he had gotten a rather large bag of salted pretzels. They were marvelously good. Crunchy. And salty. Chouji liked both those things.

Ino had left for Suna yesterday. He had been mildly surprised when she told him she was the temporary liaison for Suna and Konoha, but also it made perfect sense. Shikamaru was still hurting from his injury, and such a long trip might just kill him. Despite all appearances, Ino was one who truly cared about her friends. And when someone was in need she immediately jumped in and began working. But, now with Shikamaru out of commission and Ino gone, Chouji felt slightly lonely. It kind of reminded him of a time when he was small and both Ino and Shikamaru were grounded for breaking Yoshino's pot (Ino had thrown it at him), and neither of his friends could come out and play. He really didn't know what to do with himself, so he sat around and ate chips until Ino was free (Shikamaru was grounded for twice as long as she was). Now though, he thought, the feeling was a bit different. He was purposefully staying away from one of them. Ino had chided him many times for not going with her to convince Shikamaru out of his house, but Chouji knew it wasn't going to lead to anything. Shikamaru would come out when he was good and ready, and not a moment before. All it would accomplish was getting him angry with him, and he didn't want that at all. If he didn't want to talk about it, he wouldn't. Nothing would change that. Chouji, for appearing as one who was inactive and uninterested, knew a lot of the world.

"Hey." A lazy voice drawled beside him. Shikamaru sat down on the bench next to him, gazing lazily at the same spot Chouji was staring at. He looked at him shortly, pausing a moment in his inhalation of the pretzels to spare him a glance. He then went back to staring at the large, intricate tree in front of them. "Hey." He replied. However surprised he was, he really wasn't surprised at all. Like he said, he would come out of his house when he was ready.

"I came out to look for Ino. It's been three days since she last came barging into my room and I started to get a little worried." He said mildly. His tone didn't sound very worried at all, though. Not that it really mattered. Whatever got him out of the house was good.

"Yeah. She left for Suna yesterday." He answered simply, downing another handful of pretzels. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow and displayed a look of genuine surprise. Obviously that was the low on the list of answers he had expected. Chouji didn't need to look at him to know the train of thought going through his mind.

Ino in Suna.

Temari in Suna.

Ino and Temari both in Suna after large emotional problem.

Ino with violent tendencies.

Temari with low tolerance.

Summary:  
Goddammit.

This was a potential catastrophe.

Shikamaru looked at Chouji like he had grown another head. "And you let that happen? What the hell is wrong with you?" Chouji shrugged. "Ino's there on a mission. She's the temporary go-between for Konoha and Suna. In other words, she's covering your ass." He finished happily, popping another round of twisted sticks into his mouth. Shikamaru was dumbfounded. However naive Chouji may have been, he wasn't stupid. He knew Ino, and, to a slightly lesser extent, he knew Temari. He knew what would happen if he let Ino go unattended to Suna, meet with the Kazekage, (where Temari would undoubtedly be, seeing as they're related), and stay there for an undetermined period of time. Suna wasn't as big as Konoha. Even if she tried to avoid it (as if she would) she would run into her eventually. And even setting eyes upon Temari would unleash a furious wave of anger through her, and when Ino was angry she hit first and asked questions never. Was that Chouji's plan? To set Ino's wrath loose upon all of Suna?

That was stupid. Chouji didn't plan things. He wasn't like him. He worked on instinct, which was probably why he was carefree, happy, and did not have a single regret to his name. He didn't over think things until he became so overwhelmed by his own thoughts he shunned everyone around him. He did not kill himself with details, or wait until the last minute only to find that he had one minute less than he thought and it was all over. He didn't cover up what he was feeling to make life less complicated, and he didn't waste any time thinking too hard or too long or too intensely.

Which was probably why Chouji was happy, and Shikamaru wasn't.

Chouji turned. Shikamaru had been silent for longer than he had anticipated. Something was wrong. He looked, only to see that he was chuckling and rubbing his forehead with his palm. "Fuck, Chouji." He muttered, still laughing humorlessly. "I really fucked up." Chouji was mildly shocked. It wasn't because Shikamaru had admitted he made a mistake, he was perfectly capable of realizing his own errors. What amazed him was that he was laughing. But it wasn't a normal laugh. It was a laugh that only people who were trying not to cry used.

"I was so good at separating emotions from logic." He said still laughing. He turned away from him, facing towards the tree again. "That was one of the few things I thought I was good at. I never questioned it." He placed his fingers on his temples, supporting his face while he bent over. "And I didn't even realize that goddamn woman had taken it away from me. If I was watching someone else in the exact same situation..." He trailed off, his voice beginning to crack. "I probably could have been able to do it. I probably could have come up with at least a hundred ways to avoid this. But what did I do? I sat on my fucking ass and ignored the facts. What the fuck happened? What went wrong...?"

Chouji just stared forward, recognizing Shikamaru's silent wish to not be seen vulnerable. "You're right. If it was someone else, you probably could've been able to analyze it without emotion clouding your judgment." He shoved a single pretzel in his mouth, chewing it quickly and continuing. "But being in love has a tendency to make logic mean shit." He abandoned the bag completely, setting it down beside him and crossing his arms, leaning back into the bench. "You didn't realize you loved her because you didn't _want_ to. That would cause problems, and you've trained yourself to subconsciously avoid those." Shikamaru buried his face deeper in his hands and laughed. "That's no excuse." He muttered, rubbing his temples "It only means I was only looking out for myself without even considering her feelings. How heartless can you get?" He laughed hollowly, his nose and eyes beginning to sting.

"Not heartless," Chouji corrected him, "human." He turned to look at him, unable to look at his face while he was bending over hiding it in his hands. "Its instinct for everybody. Why do you think Hinata avoids Naruto at all costs? She's afraid of what could happen if she accidentally tells him how she feels. She chooses silence to avoid rejection. Why do you think Ino never stays with a guy for more than a week? It's her way of protecting herself. If she cuts it off before giving the guy a chance to break her heart, it makes her less vulnerable. You can be the bravest shinobi there's ever been. That just means you're that much more reluctant to have a weakness. All the IQ points in the world won't make you invincible. You're still going to do everything you can to avoid getting hurt. You thought that not telling her would make everything easier, but instead it just made her think you didn't care. She took your silence as rejection. That's the real reason she ran away. She didn't want to be vulnerable either. By avoiding one problem, it just made another one bigger."

"But I should have seen that!" He said loudly, his voice ringing in the silent night. "It's so obvious to you, why couldn't I-?"

"Because you were afraid of what she might say." He interrupted calmly. The casual air he used to explain all this to him just made Shikamaru want to punch him in the face. He resisted the urge, only out of curiosity about what he would say next. He seemed to have a lot to say on the subject. "The only thing you saw was that there were a million ways for that to blow up in your face. You were so convinced she thought was just mindless sex and not love, you never bothered to see what was so obvious to your friends." He smiled slightly, a comforting gesture that Shikamaru could not see. "She really _really_ loved you. She cared enough to put rational thought aside for your safety. But the slightest sign you didn't love her back was enough to get her to run away screaming. The fact that you didn't notice _any_ of this is enough proof you love her enough to scare yourself shitless. So," he said cheerily, thumping him on the back, "instead of complaining about all the shit you didn't do, why don't you get up off your ass and try to salvage whatever might remain of your sanity."

This time, Shikamaru did raise his head, and he smiled like a person about to jump in without a plan. "_That_," he said, standing up slowly, "sounds like the best idea I've heard in days."

**x**

Ino wiped the bead of sweat dripping from her eyebrow with her arm. Damn, Suna was hot. How the sand creature could walk around all day in black seemed impossible.

The four-day journey it had taken her to get here was uneventful, she ran, she ate, slept and repeated the cycle. She had concentrated so hard on getting here and planning word-for-word what she was going to say to the sand creature only to come to the realization...

She had no idea where she lived.

It was not the kind of argument she wanted to have in public. With her temperament, it was likely to get extremely violent, and although that might have been acceptable back in Konoha where it was expected from her, here it would just attract the kind of attention she did not want. She decided to try the area closest to the Kazekage's building, where it was more likely for her to be. Besides, with this town being so small, someone in there was bound to know where she lived.

Hopefully.

Temari rolled her neck to undo the cricks caused by sleeping in that position. She hadn't even bothered to get all the way to her bedroom last night, so she just curled up in her favorite, most comfortable chair and bent at an odd angle to get her head in a suitable position. She was so tired she didn't even stay awake long enough to feel the discomfort in her spine. That was unlike her, acting on impulse without thinking (albeit only slightly) about the consequences. She wasn't surprised however; she had been very much unlike herself for the past nine days.

She was late to work. She was last to go home because she did her work at such a leisurely pace, and she fell asleep the moment she closed the door without even bothering to change, or even undo her hair. For some reason, it all didn't seem as important as it did before. No one treated her any different, Suna was exactly the way she had left it. But for some reason she couldn't enjoy her home. All the... faults, all the defects were magnified, and somehow instead of embracing the warm, cloudless blue sky and the stretch of mountains surrounding them she found herself missing Konoha and its towering trees, shady clouds and the warm, soft grass. But that was not how it was supposed to be. She had always been loyal to Suna, she had always loved everything about it and it had been her unwavering, unchanging home. Her haven. The one place that always stayed constant even when the world spun so fast. She had always found it annoying the way everyone in Konoha had been intrusive and emotional, but now seeing the people of Suna and how distant and detached everyone was she realized she had taken comfort in the fact that they cared that much about people they hardly even knew. They each had a distinct, almost bordering on insane quality that made them clash horribly but also brought them closer than anybody she had ever seen. It made her see how divided and torn her relationship with her brothers really was, a system she had never found flawed before but now she realized how lonely it made her feel. The only thing that made her feel like she had someone was...

No. That wasn't important now. It was in the past, and it would stay that way.

Yet she couldn't get out of her mind what it felt like, being caressed and held and the way the rhythm they created was just so completely _perfect_ it made her quiver from the simplest contact. How her skin burned madly wherever he touched it, how even the tamest, smallest kiss took the breath right out of her lungs...

She closed her eyes tightly, letting the darkness of her eyelids clear her mind of the images floating through it. It did her no good to dwell on something gone. When her mother died, and she cried every night and begged and begged God to bring her back to them, thinking that if she cried hard enough it would bring her back. It only showed her the fact that things could not be fixed by feeling sorry for yourself. She needed to pick herself up, continue on normally and ignore whatever pain she felt in her chest. It went away, eventually. If she had just continued crying, it probably wouldn't have. She was a big girl, and crying was for babies.

Now though, she wanted nothing more than to cry.

She wanted to sob and scream and shout so loudly it hurt, because as stupid and childish as it sounded she thought crying hard enough might bring him back to her. She could find no other way to deal with it, even though she only ever cried once in her life and it was enough to last her sixteen years. This time though, if she started then she would never be able to stop. All the crying might cause her to crumble from the inside, strain her chest until it hurt and finally collapse. She knew that was stupid though. No one had ever really died of a broken heart.

Not to say she _had_ a broken heart.

She glanced at the hanging clock on the wall. Ten thirty. She was an hour and a half late for work. She had to report to Gaara at noon to receive the information regarding her next assignment. She noticed he was only giving her missions that had no relations to Konoha. Those were usually the majority of her workload, but now he seemed to be pointedly avoiding sending her anywhere near the village. Every time she bit back the urge to ask him why. It was unprecedented for Gaara to assign missions based on personal preference. Not as though she cared. She didn't have any reason to. She wasn't avoiding Konoha.

She picked herself up off her chair, resisting the powerful temptation to just lie back in and let herself sleep for the rest of the day. If Gaara's recent behavior was any indication, he probably wouldn't have cared either way. It was almost the same as Kankuro. Although normally ninety percent of their conversations were arguments, lately he had been suspiciously polite and cautious around her. It was beginning to get annoying, like they thought something as stupid as a man would make her break down into tears like a child at any moment. She did not regret her decision in the slightest.

Not like she would admit it if she did.

Her wandering thoughts were brutally interrupted when a crashing sound that was remarkably similar to a door slamming open resounded from her porch. Instead of whom she thought (Really hoped. No, wished would be a better word) it would be, it was one of the few people she was completely unprepared for. Ino was standing in her doorway, with a strange combination of anger and relief on her face. "Finally I got the right house. Jeez, you'd think people in Suna never had their doors knocked in before." She marched in, completely disregarding the look of shock on Temari's face. Her eyes were angry green slits, her pink lips set in an uncharacteristically unattractive frown. She went off before Temari even had a chance to speak. "You are some piece of work, you know that, woman?" She snapped loudly. Temari almost laughed, for someone like Ino to be calling her a piece of work was certainly a statement. "Where do you get off, pulling that kind of crap with Shikamaru? What was going on in your ponytailed little head when you said those things, did you even consider how he might have felt?" Her voice was escalating with every word she said. Only now, Temari was angry. This woman decided to barge on in and start questioning her? Insolence! It would not stand.

"What the hell do you know? What gives you the right to judge my decisions? Excuse me if I don't take relationship advice from a woman who goes through men at least five times a month!" Ino's mouth dropped. Temari continued. "Shikamaru's fine. He just gets a little irrational, that's all. He'll mope about it for a few days, then- _gasp!_- miracle of miracles; he'll _get fucking over it._" She snapped, her eyes steeled and her voice cool.

Ino looked affronted, like she had just been heavily insulted or slapped in the face. "How can you say that? Do you know what he's been doing all this time? Nothing! He's just been lying around his house drinking, pretending like he doesn't miss you!"

"Probably because he _doesn't._" Temari replied. "You seem to have the wrong idea Yamanaka. Shikamaru and I weren't in _love _or anything like that. We had a quick fuck once in a while, big deal. Have you ever considered he's drinking because his legs hurt?" She asked in a tone that said she already knew she was right. Ino just stared with her mouth open widely. How on earth could they both think up the exact same excuse...?

She shook herself out of it. "You and I both know that's crap. Shikamaru avoided telling you how he felt for almost eight months because he thought you would just reject him like some kind heartless witch! I thought he was just being stupid, I thought you loved him too, but I guess he really did have reason to worry! If you could just all of a sudden pull the rug out from under him-!"

"See? That's how little you know about this shit Yamanaka!" Temari shouted, drowning her out. "You think all of a sudden, just out of the blue I woke up and said, 'hmm, I think I'll break up with Shikamaru today'? He almost got _killed_ because of me! If I had been just a minute later, he would have been _dead!_ Do you know how—" She swallowed, trying to conceal the hurt in her voice that already came through when she said they weren't in love. "How he looked when I found him? He was covered in blood; I couldn't even see his face..." Her hands were shaking now, but she ignored them.

"You think I wanted to hurt him? You think that's why it happened? It happened because he almost got fucking _killed_, because they threatened to kill _me _if he didn't come with them. If he hates me, like you say he does now, then that won't be used against him anymore. So go ahead, tell him I'm a heartless witch, tell all your little friends I'm a worthless twat who broke his heart, whatever you say it won't make me feel any worse than I do now. Shikamaru can do whatever the hell he fucking wants, I'm done."

Ino stared at her with a look of mixed shock and empathy on her face. Temari was pissed off. She didn't need this woman's fucking _pity_. How dare she-

"Shikamaru loves you." She said in a soft voice, looking at her tentatively. "He loves you and you two are the only ones who don't see it. You say you feel terrible? Then why don't you talk to him, instead of making him hate you, breaking his heart, you should have explained it to him. It's not too late. You two can still fix this, you just need to _try_."

Temari stared quietly at her before chuckling softly to herself and looking at her with chilly humor. "You Konoha girls are all the same. You think all you have to do is say you're sorry, bat your pretty eyelashes and everything will go back to the way it was? We nearly _died_, and right when he was just recuperating, right when he thought everything would be okay I _crushed_ him. You think you can just get up and walk that off, just by apologizing? It doesn't work that way, Yamanaka. It may be like that with you and your three-day relationships but this was different.

"I don't know why. Fuck, maybe we _are_ in love, I don't know. And I really don't care. I'm not going to risk my life and everything I've worked for just so someone else can die right in front of me. He'll survive. He might be a little shook up, he might even have a goddamn broken heart, but at least he's alive. Nothing else is my problem."

To this, Ino had nothing to say.

**x**

Shikamaru had never been more tired than he was right then. This was most likely because Shikamaru had never put enough effort into anything to earn that amount of exhaustion. He hadn't slept, he hadn't eaten, he hadn't stopped at all since he left Konoha and that alone was able to shave half a day off of his travel time. He was out of breath, he was tired, he was hungry, and he couldn't possibly care less. He didn't know what had come over him during Chouji's pep talk but something snapped in his brain and it was unignorable. But, during his frantic rush to get here he had completely forgotten everything else. Including what he was going to say to her.

Of course, it would probably take a manner of minutes for him to come up with some sort of smooth, smart line that would make her fall apart and melt into his arms, but then again it would be far more likely for her to laugh until she bust a gut. He could recite Chouji's speech about love and feelings and all that shit, but for some reason it didn't feel right. He couldn't possibly convince her what he did was right. He couldn't even convince her he thought what he did was right. He could only hope that their two weeks apart would make her forget all the meaningless shit that happened in the past eight months and thirteen days and just be happy to see him.

He almost laughed at himself.

Even while deep in thought, Shikamaru's legendary skills of observation were still working fine, and all his thoughts ground to a screeching halt when he saw Ino crossing the street in a huff. Her cheeks were red, her posture was rigid and angry, and she looked as if she could punch a baby in the face. And, Shikamaru observed, she was coming from the direction of Temari's house.

Goddammit.

He entertained briefly the option of going up to ask her what the situation was concerning Temari, (how she was doing, when was her next mission, whether or not she still hated his guts...) but since he knew Ino and knew that going up and catching her attention in such a mood spelled certain death, he took refuge behind a rather large woman (whom Ino was sure to avoid looking at, since overlarge people made her ill) and prayed to every god that ever existed she was heading in the general direction of the Kazekage's building. Unfortunately, since the last thirteen days proved that God loved nothing more than to screw around with him, the woman diverted to the direction of the grocery store and Ino spared a glance that direction to see what the crouching figure was avoiding her.

"Shikamaru!" She screeched.

Fuck.

She ran up to him breathlessly, an enormous smile plastered on her face. The sudden change in mood disconcerted him. Wasn't she pissy and irate just a minute ago?

"I _knew_ you'd come." She said happily. "I _knew_ it. You're fucking girlfriend was convinced you wouldn't, but I _knew_ it." She was grinning in a way that told Shikamaru what was coming next could not be good. Yet Ino was still smiling.

"I've been barging into her house for three days in a row but she won't listen to me. She'll listen to _you_, though." Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. Somehow, he highly doubted that.

"She's been spouting the same excuse over and over. She says, get this, she did it to save your life, so that you wouldn't get killed again. _That's_ her big story. Can you believe it?"

He stared at her without really seeing her. A large rock had somehow materialized in his stomach. "What?" He sounded out mechanically.

"I know!" Ino laughed, obviously not grasping the weight her words had on him. "Like she broke up with you to save your life or something. Really, who does she think she's- Shikamaru? Hey, what are you- _get_ _back here!_"

**x**

Temari brushed her bangs out of her eyes and stared down her reflection. Her eyes were narrowed and pink, her hair was a mess and she looked as if she had lost some weight. She tensed. "Pathetic." She berated herself. "Pathetic, stupid, worthless..." She choked on her own words. That Konoha bitch just wouldn't leave her alone. When she was there she laughed off her words but as soon as she left it made her shake. When did everything get so complicated? When had everything started to go wrong? This wasn't her. She wasn't one of those stupid little girls who completely fell apart after a relationship ended, she didn't cry, she never did any of this stupid shit. Damn that lazy, stupid, crybaby bastard for doing this to her. Turning her into one of those worthless excuses for women that just sat around and moped all the time. She thought that ending it would solve all her problems, would erase all her vulnerabilities but she was mistaken. She only took part of herself away, the part that kept her sane, the part that held her when she was cold at night, the only person who ever stroked her hair while she slept or took care of her when she was sick.

Dammit, dammit, _dammit_.

How did she fix this?

If someone walked up and told her they knew how to make the pain in her chest go away she would grovel at their feet and tell them she'd do anything. All she wanted was to have a decent night's sleep for the first time in two weeks. It had to stop, dammit! The only way she knew how was...

Gone. She had burned up and killed the one thing that had ever made her happy. It was gone, gone gone gone gone gone. Never coming back. Never holding her again. Never buying her a cookie when she felt bad anymore. Those days were gone. The heaven she had taken for granted was a thing of the past. And now...

Now she collapsed in her bathroom and cried.

She shook. She sobbed. Foreign sounds escaped her lips and her lungs quivered in her chest. Her shoulders shook. Her skin burned to the verge of flames. Everything was spinning in front of her. She even felt like she was being swallowed in warmth, like something was carrying her far away. Now she knew she was delusional. She looked up, glancing around at where she had landed. She was no longer in the bathroom. She rested in the nook of the living room, the warmest part in between her bookshelf and the wall. She turned frantically, trying to find the force that brought her here. A pair of strong arms pulled her backwards, tucking her head in so she couldn't turn around. She leaned into the embrace, taking solace in the unknown form. The hot tears ran down her face, burning her cheeks. The hands that held her so tightly brushed them off, wiping them away at the source. She wiggled around to bury her face in the chest of whatever it was that was currently protecting her. The zipper of the Chuunin vest they wore was cold against her face. Her eyes widened. Someone wearing a Chuunin vest was in her house, someone who knew where she was, where her favorite spot was, exactly how she liked to be held...

She looked up sharply. Shikamaru gazed down on her with the softest eyes she had ever seen. She retracted, or attempted to, but his grip on her waist only tightened as he pulled her closely. Her words shook in her mouth but refused to come out. He merely brushed her bangs out of her eyes and placed his hands behind her head to puller it closer to his chest. He didn't even comment on her tears. He just stroked her hair and changed the unspoken subject. "Sorry it took so long for me to come and find you." He said quietly into her shoulder. "But I guess as the past few months have proven, I'm kind of an idiot when it comes to this stuff. You'd be better off with Chouji." He chuckled quietly. She was still too whiplashed to speak. He continued. "Look, I know I'm stupid. I know I never told you how I felt because I'm a coward. I don't have an excuse." Something resembling shame leaked through his voice. "But I'm here now. And even if you don't forgive me I just want you to know that I really do love you." He took a deep breath, it was hard to let the words out without cracking his voice. "Even if you don't feel the same way," This time, he failed, "I just... Please don't cry anymore." He took another breath and wiped away another tear. "Normally, when someone cries I know what to do. I can do something. But when you cry..." his hand moved lower to stroke her back, "I just feel so helpless and weak. I don't know what to do." He buried his face in the crook of her neck. "I know it's selfish, but please stop crying." He placed a light kiss where his lips were. "Please. I love you."

Temari froze. She couldn't say a word. He had inhibited her speech somehow. The only thing she could say to him was the obvious. "You made me cry." She said quietly, moving to look up at him.

He looked physically wounded. "I know." He breathed, staring at her hopelessly.

"I never cry." She said dumbly, as if there weren't drops of water running down her cheeks.

"I know." He repeated, looking at her, lost.

"But you... when I thought you weren't coming back, I," She inhaled, her voice coming out wet and shaky, "I cried."

"I'm sorry." He whispered, wiping away another tear. She batted his hand away.

"Why?" She demanded weakly. "Why did I cry? I mean, I thought that..." She settled for volume instead of substance. "I'm not supposed to feel this way! You- You nearly _died_, and I did it because I don't want you _hurt_, so why do I feel like-" She choked, her volume decreasing, "Like _I_ want to die?"

Shikamaru bowed his head. He couldn't imagine how stupid they must have looked, the two of them, sitting there, her curled up in his lap with her head in her hands, him looking like he had just been stabbed in the heart, both of them just lying there, broken. For once, brilliant, genius Shikamaru couldn't think of a single thing. He merely cupped her face in his hand and stroked his thumb over her tears. "I can't answer that." He whispered. "All I know is that if you've been half as miserable as I was, you might love me too."

Temari had nothing to say to this. All she knew was at this point, the only thing in the world that made sense to her was to throw herself forward, press her mouth against his and not let him go. After a while, neither of them could tell where his tears ended and hers began. Where their cheeks touched, the drops joined together and mingled until they were one. They didn't know how long they sat there, but when they broke apart dusk had set in and the sun was painting the sky a brilliant red. He brushed her hair out of her eyes again and smiled for the first time in days. "I'm going to take that as a yes." He said quietly, letting a laugh escape. She didn't know what else to do other than kiss him again.

**x**

"Gaara, let me go, I have to go in there and _kill him!_" Kankuro protested. Gaara clung to his shirt with one hand, sighing. "You can't kill him, Kankuro. If you do, Temari will eat you alive. And that means more paperwork for _me._"

"Did you see what he's doing to our sister in there? He's- He's _violating_ her! And he made her cry! Have you ever seen Temari cry? No? Neither have I! I'm going to rip his skull out through his ribcage!" He shouted madly, trying to break free of his brother's lazy grip.

"They've done worse." He said nonchalantly. "And he's the only one of Temari's boyfriends I've ever remotely liked. So no, Kankuro, you can't kill him."

Kankuro relaxed and huffed. "Fine. But if he knocks her up, he's dead."

"Agreed."

Officially the longest oneshot I've ever written.

Damn ShikaTema plotbunnies, invading my brain and eating my soul...


End file.
